Relationship standoffs in social media
RELATIONSHIP STANDOFFS IN SOCIAL MEDIA
Even in the start of the new millennium, e-mails and SMSs were hailed as the break through in communication among business and friend circles. However, exchange of news and views have been revolutionized, with the arrival of social media particularly through platforms like face book, WhatsApp, Instagram, YouTube, etc. While one can become a jack or a master in any subject just by browsing the said platforms, for those who just want to participate for fun and happiness, the multiple 'forwards' carrying strong views and opinions becomes too many and difficult to digest even. So more often than not, the 'forwards' find their way to the 'bins', as the brain says 'stop, enough for the day'.
But bringing in unsolicited political news/opinions through 'Forwards' and 'frank opinions' cause heartburn among a few participants, who find time to read the stuff, take it personally and seriously as it affects their life-long held beliefs. Instead of healthy discussion (impossible as the start of the thread is something which is irrational/ extreme in nature), relationship/friendship nurtured through decades is broken in a matter of few seconds, as the animal in us comes out in the 'typed messages' as a response. People remove each other from the contact list, some members expelled from groups and responses like 'I never imagined that he will back stab me/ behave like that, etc.'
I just wanted to remind that most of us neither belonged to any political party nor married to any particular set of ideologies. We had our individual views in the issues, without leaning for/ against blindly. If we look back, we worked in organizations where employees, officers, management and board co-existed. We accepted that 'agreeing to disagree' as natural corollary among the different segments of employees, while working for the common cause of the organization and welfare of all of us. That is how, we could help the institution to prosper, improve our wages and perks, gain life long social security schemes like pension, health insurance schemes, etc. Some of us were part of unions and associations, which were affiliated to political parties, but never chose to merge our thoughts with that of the political party (to which the unions were affiliated). When we could nurture our relationship by interacting with each other in person, keeping the differences aside for decades, why should we allow a medium where 'forwards' which is not a reflection of the 'self', opinions, expressed mostly through 'typed messages' without the tone (reflecting the soul and heart) and the political parties (to which we never took membership) to break that bond?
After retirement, I find that even family members dismiss our thoughts saying 'too much/boring/always advise' kind of remarks. And we accept it gladly, as it come from our dear ones. The same attitude needs to get reflected in our interactions in the social media also.
I practice the following: (each one follows his/her own method)
(i) not read most of the 'forwards', unless they are small and crisp
(ii) just tick the greeting messages, without looking into the unsolicited 'advise' part
(iii) not offer any comment on any post, which is extreme/controversial / to which I do not agree.
(iv) use the social media for communicating personal messages and
(v) when I post in a group/face book my views on certain subjects, I do it only for satisfying myself/my ego that I aired my views and others have the equal right to not to read/ignore/reject and criticize. (And if criticism comes, reply only if I have not expressed myself clearly in the first place.)
The purpose of this blog is to convey that relationship matters more to a senior citizen than the views expressed /forwarded in the social media, as we want to remember the person and the memories in the last leg of this long run.
Regards
V.Viswanathan
26th November 2023.
P.S. Are you feeling that I posted the message now as “free for all” opinions and forwards will start kicking in with 5 state assemblies election results due on 3rd December and the Lok Sabha elections are due in less than 6 months? You have the right to think so and I respect that. Cheers
Extremely practical and practiceable suggestions. Free and Frank too. Enjoyed reading the free flow of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ramesh
ReplyDeleteGood one !
ReplyDeleteI too used to feel the need to counter any forwarded message (with political overtones) which blatantly misrepresented facts. Since it can sow the seeds of deep discord, nowadays I let it pass.
Relationships are more important than being factually correct.
If we must argue about something we strongly believe in, it's probably better to do it in person, where there is a healthy two way conversation.
Thank you for valued inputs
DeleteSir very good suggestion.
ReplyDeleteSir very good suggestion.
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteRelationship in the bank is largely decided by hierarchy. In the social media, no such flow of authority exists. So we co-existed comfortably in the bank. Then, it is easier to express oneself in person in his own mother tongue. We try to converse in English in social media. Hence tone of the comments is misconstrued.
ReplyDeleteThe above one is my comment.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sridhar
DeleteReminds me of my life in Elappara and Kottayam where every morning lodgemates fight on ideologies on receipt of Manorama taking sides with Karunakaran or Nayanar. Everything will fall to silent mode at 7.30am when they go, take bath, meet cordially at breakfast table and go about daily chores. Such camaraderie is missing because we do not most of the group members. In fact I tried to count known members in retired officer os SBT group. I could count 70 odd out of 225 members.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Sridhar
DeleteYes. We are losing friends, relatives and colleagues. In short, relationships are getting affected 😔
ReplyDeleteAbove comment from Ratan
ReplyDeleteThanks Ratan Sir
DeleteYou have said exactly what has been on my mind! The extreme views have caused so much distress and bad blood among friends and families.
ReplyDeleteThanks Madam
DeleteWell said
ReplyDeleteYou said it Vishy
ReplyDeleteYou said it Vishy
ReplyDeleteThanks Jojo. Long time no see no sms no whatsapp😊
DeleteI agree with you to most of your veiws
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVery well articulated. Many times blood boils when some comments are so blatantly biased or absurd. But then better sense prevails and I refrain form responding, or in extreme cases exit the group to maintain relationships rather than sow seeds of remorse among friends whom you have had pleasant memories.
ReplyDeleteTku. Exactly that is what we should do
DeleteYour stand on the subject is diametrically opposite from mine. At this age and stage in my ilfe, my foremost concern is my peace of mind — and not social graces.
ReplyDeleteI believe that my views on politics, religion, society or other matters are best kept to myself. If I feel a strong need to air them, I must use my page.
It is unfair on my part to impose my views by forwarding them (or the posts of others supporting my views) to others or posting them in groups formed with other objectives (music, chess, ayurveda, philosophy, football, whatever).
I know I am being unreasonable, but I expect the same courtesy from others. I have snapped my Facebook and WhatsApp friendship with a lot many who do not so do. I have also withdrawn from such groups and am a happier man today. And I do not repent the action. (I beleve that the "opposite party" is equally relieved!) It is quite like a divorce between two incompatible partners.
This does not mean that they are not my friends any more: I have no ill-will towards them and wish them well; when I see them "socially", Iextend all courtesies but will not engage with them on controversial topics.
Your stand on the subject is diametrically opposite mine. At this age and stage in my life, my foremost concern is MY peace of mind — and not social graces.
ReplyDeleteI believe that my views on politics, religion, society or other matters are best kept to myself. If I feel a strong need to air them, I must use MY page.
It is unfair on my part to impose my views by forwarding them (or the posts written by others supporting my views) to the unsuspecting public or by posting them in groups formed with specific objectives (music, chess, ayurveda, philosophy, football, whatever).
I know I am being unreasonable, but I expect the same courtesy from others. I have snapped my Facebook and WhatsApp friendship with a lot many who do not so (including some who were once close to me.) I have also withdrawn from such groups and am a happier man today. And I do not repent the action. (I believe that the "opposite party" is equally relieved!) It is quite like a marriage between two partners who discover that they are incompatible ending up in a divorce.
This does not mean that they are not my friends any more: I have no ill-will towards them and wish them well; when I see them "socially", I extend all courtesies but will not engage with them on controversial topics.
Sir
DeleteIt was in 1985 I joined in Thamarassery Branch and stayed in Calicut. If I am not failing in my memory, you headed Calicut Main Branch. My first interaction was when I attended a quiz conducted by you from the famous english weeklies of that time. I was surprised that the quiz covered the advertisements that came in the said weeklies. It was a revelation. In 1997, credit dept had a dinner for its staff and their spouses. I was introduced by you as 'Mr. Usha' (my wife Usha was working in credit department). Another angle I got. Surprises continues with your different line of thinking brought in your write-ups in face book. I admire as certain qualities have to be in-born and cannot be imbibed. I know fully well that you are on the opposite side to my views here. Happy that you read found time to give your frank views once again. Best Regards. V. Viswanathan